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i read baby babe when i took the 3 children i au pair for to soccer/football one evening

sat on this wooden bench thing in a brightly lit gymnasium

balls kept flying past me and sometimes hitting me

once a ball hit the book right out of my hands and landed half a metre away from me and now it is kind of bent

i felt embarrassed when that happened and looked at one of the other mums and said ‘uh ok’ and she laughed

kept looking up from my book and looking at one of the coach’s powerful thigh muscles, unsure if i found it attractive or not, possibly not, sexy sport guys..

took me a while to read because the kids kept wanting me to watch them play, and i felt bad about kind of ignoring them, but you know

i noticed how whenever tom missed a goal, he would get upset and zac, from the other side of the gym, would yell to him that is was okay and that he was doing well

that kind of made my heart swell up with love

i liked:

“some people think
they’re so funny
shit
i’m just like whatever
when i walk around”

“i want my poems to be clouds

and whenever balloons escape a child’s hand
i want to be able to push them back
to where they belong”

“i lick things and pretend
everything is fine”

during the break JJ sat on my knee and drank water and then got off and hugged me and then hugged me again

sometimes i would be reading a poem but thinking about you
so i would have to read the poem again
that kept happening

felt emotional at a few points, thought i was crying a lil
i might just be hormonal (?)

somehow i got chocolate all over the spine of it

kept hoping the people sitting near me did not see key words like ‘cunt’ or ‘dick’ or ‘semen’

this book made me think a lot about penises, but not in a sexy way

idk how often i legitimately think about penises in a sexy way, are we meant to

i liked that ana seems to have a very particular and consistent style

i can imagine her writing these poems while sucking on a lollipop

i liked this book